what to fear
For me, the five elements of Chinese medicine are my favorite framework for examining the various facets of human experience and emotions. They provide insight into how these aspects relate to the changing seasons, the evolving phases of our lives, and the energetic intricacies within each day. This helps me to not only understand myself, but gives me anchors for interacting with and attempting to understand others.
As we enter the winter season, we also experience the Water element.
Winter/Water is a time for turning inward, reflecting on your purpose, and reconnecting with your inner source, ideally allowing you to feel replenished in time for spring. If something has been lost throughout the year, it is during this season that we can re-infuse our lives with meaning. It's also the element that offers us valuable insights into our fears. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), fear is processed by our kidneys, the yin organ associated with the Water element. I remember this connection by noting that the adrenal glands rest atop the kidneys, with one of their roles being to activate the body's "fight or flight" response. When these aspects are out of balance, we may find ourselves either lacking fear in situations that warrant caution, or feeling excessively fearful when safety is assured.
Our relationship to fear can be very helpful, but sometimes in subtle (or not so subtle) ways, it may keep us from what we seek. I experienced this last week while exploring some challenging interpersonal emotions. As the emotions surfaced, resistance emerged—a fear, a sense of insecurity, and a desire to retreat. Looking more closely, I questioned if it was the fear itself that felt so limiting or if it was the emotions and projected outcomes I wanted to avoid. If I could recognize the fear as a natural yet misguided response, how might I approach my situation differently? I was encouraged to simply sit with the emotion, recognizing that the were not the problem. Fear, although still present, became background noise, no longer driving the experience.
Fear tends to grow and solidify when we continue to avoid what we fear or try to push the feeling away. To counteract it, you can become be curious about your fear.
Chinese medicine offers a beautiful saying that I revisit each year:
Convert your fear into wisdom.
If there is no immediate action to take in response to your fear, what can you learn from it? Can you create a space between the feeling and your response to simply observe?
This time of year, we may be preparing to gather with family or close friends, some of whom we see only a few times a year. It’s a high-pressure time to connect with those loved ones. However, the patterns we've developed in our relationships, often as self-preservation mechanisms, may hinder the deeper connections we crave. For me, I think it’s a fear of disrupting the status quo in my family system. But when I can recognize that the fear may be keeping me from taking a small—and likely safe—risk, I may experience connections I never thought possible, and feel a little more fortified too.
